嘲笑、にやにや笑いは、向こうずね
by Soul Stance
Summary: Smirks,Grins,And kicks in the shin A parody of the unexpected and so unexpected..its unexpected! Victoria Mackintosh is a loser. She gets sucked into the crack Narutoverse. Now everbody is gonna come out of the closet. The crack loser closet..
1. The begining!

Welcome to my parody of doom muhahahahah!!!-cough- ha -cough- owie,un..

Disclaimer:Isn't it obvious?!

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-It was a cold day when suddenly,a cat flung in from the window and landed on the lap of the almighty authoress. She was pissed off that it was cold again instead of this strange black cat on her lap.After fixing the window,the A.A.(almighty authoress) noticed the cat with a patch of white on the chest.She tried to pet it.The A.A. was slightly mauled,and thus friendship was born-

Somewhere in a distant planet..

"Hell,yeah!!!"Screamed Victoria Mackintosh,for no apparent reason."I rule you drool,wikkas!!" Victoria was currently running like a psycho and earning weird stares from the public in Starbucks. She had just won the lotto for 5 bucks and she was as happy as a monkey on catnip.

She ran home to go on myspace to tell her only friend,Tom, that she won. Victoria accidentally spilled her coco puffs with milk on the computer and she was sucked into the screen to the Naruverse!!

---Scene Change---

An unconscious red head appeared out of thin air,only to land on the almighty but not as sexy as Itachi,Sasuke Uchiha.

A weird pink headed girl was running towards the also unconscious Uchiha. Before Sakura could get there,Naruto,arrived at the scene,lowered his pants,lowered Sasuke's and put his 'nightstick' in Sasuke's 'golf hole' and attempted to 'ride the horsey'.

Sakura stared in disbelief,Sakura's inner bitch could only muster,"now,that is hot!!"

---Scene Change---Hokage's room---

"Hokage-sama!!", yelled thecherrywhore. "What is it ,cherrywho-I mean-Sakura?",said an old hag/gambler/hokage(choose one) who had awoken from her sleep,thus screwing some paperwork with her drool all over the place.

"I bet Naruto tried to molest an unconscious Sasuke hasn't he?" ,said the hag who was currently wiping off the drool..

"That too,but its really about a stranger who landed on Sasuke-kun" Sakura pointed at the weird drooling red head.

After getting rid of Naruto and putting Sasuke in care,they questioned the stranger with things like who are you and how did you get here?

"Who are you and how did you get here?", asked Tsunade.

"Well my name is Victoria Mackintosh,16,and it was a little some thing like this..flashback:

"Hell,yeah!!!"Screamed Victoria Mackintosh,for no apparent reason."I rule you drool,wikkas!!" Victoria was currently running like a phycho and earning weird stares from the public in Starbucks. She had just won the lotto for 5 bucks and she was as happy as a monkey on catnip.

She ran home to go on myspace to tell her only friend,Tom, that she won. Victoria accidently spilled her coco puffs with milk on the computer and she was sucked into the screen to the Naruverse!!(copyed and pasted of course..)

"ah..," Said Tsunade "Take her to a hotel for now.Tommorrow I'll deal,ok,cherrywhore"

"Excuse me?" Sakura's temper flaired.

"I mean- 'check out the new 'cherry store'!" said Tsunade.

"Oh,ok,bye!" Sakura left.Tsunade summoned a construction working ninja to build an actual cherry store.

Jiraiya put stuff inside the store not meant for virgin eyes,since it was called 'cherry' store..

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BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKA you wanna review don't you?! BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKA!! 


	2. The sneeze

Back and proud, please, do read on. Life lessons are in. A spoiler about Tobi is in it, just so you all know, he is not Obito..though I wish he was. 

Disclaimer:DOT!DOT!DOT!un!

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Life Lesson:"When life gives you lemons..SQUIRT IT IN THE EYES OF AN INNOCENT!!"

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It was early morning when somewhere in the world Sakura was staring at Victoria Mackintosh ,who was sleeping in the hotel. Sakura noted that the girl was indeed harmless. She stood from her seat to make some coffee when suddenly..

"OH ,UCHIHA!! ITACHI!! TAKE ME!!" screamed Victoria from her bed.

Immediately Sakura dropped the Maxwell's coffee pot to rescue her guest from what ever the problem was. As she got there she was ready to pounce only to be disturbed so she got the Hokage and..

Victoria awoke from her perverted fantasy of a dream to find her self being stared at by the 5th Hokage herself.

"Sakura," started the gambler hag, "it just seems to be a 'wet dream',it's natural"

"You hag-I MEAN- you can't be serious?! She was dreaming of Itachi!!"

"And haven't you had dreams about one of them, Deidara, I believe?"

"Erm..maybe." Sakura blushed like mad along with a massive nose bleed when she thought about her dreams and how he used to touch her in places with the other mouths..

---Akatsuki hide out A.K.A:The Lair---

"Achoo!!" sneezed Itachi.

"Achoo!!" sneezed Deidara

"My, my. You both sneezed" said the Pein hologram stating the obvious.

" I wonder who's talkin about us, eh, Itachi?,un."

"Hn" was the only reply.

Strangely enough Pein sneezed.

"Oh my, I sneezed" once again stating the obvious while the hologram wavered a bit.

"Tobi is a good boy!" said Tobi.

"Shadd up,Mada-" Pein tried to yell but Tobi sneezed.

"Oh my god, its a plague!!un! yelled Deidara while running in circles and making clay birds then detonated them again and again.

Itachi slowly slipped away to the hall heading for his room.

Hidan was also passing by very cool making Itachi feel comfortable..that was until, "achoo!!" sneezed Hidan.

Itachi ran and ran while using his sharingan to make sure it wasn't Genjutsu, then he reached his door slammed it shut and hid under his bed like a man.

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Do you see a little purple button at the bottom? His name is Johan. He's starting to get a little dusty..Could you please use the poor button and review!Review for Johan and all the other poor little buttons on this site! 


	3. And the plot is

Dun Dun Dun,come on barbie,lets go party! Johan feels loved -yayness-

Disclaimer:Me no own Naruto!! or that story about those bears and porage and a dumb little blonde. All I own is the unknown plot! Stupid lawyers,go sue something your own size!!

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Life lesson: A condom is not a toy,or is it?!

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--- 

Pein was washing some dishes.

Deidara was planting illegal mushrooms.

Tobi was eating suger.

And Kisame eating (shark) soup made by a very evil Itachi.

Yep,just another day at Akatsuki...

Until an OC steped into the room. "The plot must be made,here and now!!!" he said.

---

"Daisuke,where the hell are you?!" yelled the hyper active whirlpool nin,Yoshiko Takeda.

"Your boyfriend is off making the plot" stated a calm Taro,Yoshiko's older brother.

"Stupid guy,if he wasn't Yoshiko's ,I would have drowned him" yawned Kantomaru.

"Kantomaru,find Daisuke's sister,or I'm getting the mexicans!!"

"No!"

"Kantomaru.."

"What?"

"I'm bringing the dominicans!!"

"Meep!" and he left.

---

"Razafrazen...mumble..grumble.."

Kantomaru suddenly found view of a cabbin.

"I found a cabbin, yayness!" (insert sweat drop..now)

The brown haired boy entered by skiping in with a basket from only God knows where..

Once inside, Kantomaru looked around and found a table it consisted, yes, consisted of :Three bowls of miso ramen,a mini book (Icha Icha) viagra (wtf?) and a harmless double sided dildo .(I repeat,w.t.f.?)

Suddenly,there was moaning.

"Ah..Tsuki..right there..'suki.."

"Dammit ,Karin, I left the **it** on the table!"

Kanto was suddenly very aware of the situation: he was very hungry,and witness to Natsuki, Daisuke's sister, doing it with her 'partner.'

He felt very happy in his pants.

---

--In other news,a flying pig flew over the brooklyn bridge yesterday!--

---

"Naruto!" yelled Sasuke.

"Sasuke" yelled Naruto.

"Naruto!!Sasuke!!" yelled Sakura.

"Hinata-hotie !!" yelled some random perv.

"Everyone Party!!"

"Yay!!!!" yelled everyone.

--

Kankuro:Do a little dance!

Gaara:Make a little love,

Temari:Get down tonight!

--

Naruto(??):My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!

Ino:Damn right!

Naruto:It's better than yours!!

Ino:I could teach you!

Naruto:But,I'd have to charge!!

--

Sasuke:And-His-name!

Random crowd(??):hey!

Sasuke:Was!

Random crowd:hey!

Sasuke:JESUS!!

--

Shino:Por que me miras?

Kiba:No lo se..pero te amo!!

(Everyone else backed away..)

--

Hinata:When you walk away..

You don't hear me say..

please,oh baby.. don't go!

Simple and clean as the-

Some dude:Sex!

--

Later on,Tsunade anounced the winner of the best ripped song award.

Tsunade:hic And ze winy is hic that hobo over there that can play a mean banjo!

--

The OC :So the actual plot will be..HOLIDAYS!!

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TBC!

Thank you for the reviews,I feel loved.

And this is the translation -

Shino:Why do you look at me?

Kiba:I don't know,but I love you!


	4. The no point chapter!

No point in this part but yet,here it is.

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-  
**_1.THE RESULTS OF TRANING!!_**

---

Naruto and Sakura were walking when all of a sudden...

HINATA:...Naruto-kun.

Sakura turned her head to greet Hinata

SAKURA:Oh?Hinata,long time no see.Hinata,unlike this guy,you changed,right? She pointed at Naruto of course,the results of Kurenai-sensei's training were good.

NARUTO:...!Naruto's face turned beet red when he looked at Hinata.

Hinata used henge and the rest of her hair,breasts and the rest made Hinata look like a Kurenai-style-Hinata.

HINATA:..._Welcome home._

Naruto got a massive nosebleed and blacked out.

SAKURA:Hey,Naruto--get a hold of yourself--!!She shook Naruto real hard but the idiot was bleeding crazily.

Hinata removed the henge and gave a thumbs up to the audience.

---

**_2.FATHER,HIASHI_**

---

NARUTO:Hinata thought since we're marrying,you and I should get to know each other first!---5 minutes later...And then,MY DREAM FOR THE FUTURE IS HOKAGE.One thing I like is cup ramen,what I like even more is the ramen bought by Iruka-sensei.And then 20 minutes later...

Hiashi tries to choke Naruto with a half nelson...

HIASHI:YOU BASTARD! You've got some guts,laying your hands on a daughter of the main family----!!He activated his byakugan and pulled at Naruto's hair...Whats with this **GOD-FORSAKEN hair color of yours??**EEH?!!

NARUTO:GYAAAAA!!!!!!

HINATA:If I don't stop father now..!She made hand signs...KUCHIYOSE:EDO TENSEI!!(summoning:impure world resurrection)

YODAIME'S GHOST FORM:We are cops.He took out his wierd shaped kunai and held it close to Hiashi's neck.

HIASHI:DAMN YOU,Yodaime!!!

NARUTO:...HE BLACKED OUT

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TBC..

I remind you all again:No point!


	5. Hanzo Hyuuga & Sasuki Uchiha

**Life Lesson: When life fails you.. Blame your' cousin.**

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Victoria was currently strolling down the streets of Konoha.  
She was walking.  
She was running.  
She was walking and run-

"Shut the fuck up you anonymous voice!" she yelled.

"Fine be that way, but remember.. I brought you into this world.. so I can destroy you too!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"I'm taking away the Holiday plot!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

**XXX**

"SASUKE UCHIHA!! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!" Cried out demon Naruto.

"Hn" replied the stotic chicken ass.

"Why did you do it Sasuke?! Why?!" Naruto's demonic aura was rising.

"I like Mariah Carey music.."

"So you had to pee in my orange juice and put Touch my Body on my myspace profile?? Plus I'm a man!! I'm supposed to

have manly music!!"

Sasuke rubbed his chin. "Wait. No.. I didn't pee in that juice.."

"Then who did?" Naruto's demonic-ness went down.

"I did."

Both boys snapped their heads towards the voice.. It was the least expected person ever..

Hinata Hyuuga stood tall.

Both boys looked at her. Looked at each other. Then looked back at the pearl white eyed girl.

"I-I'm sorry Naruto-kun.."

"Hinata.." Naruto looked away.

"Please, forgive me!"

"Go away, you disgust me!"

"I'll shave my head and like girls to get you to forgive me!"

The Uchiha raised a brow.

Naruto raised his head and looked at Hinata. "I SAID GET TAH STEPPIN' HO!!

Hinata ran away.

The Uchiha lowered his brow. "Whoa.. Naruto.. you could get a career in Pimping then being Hokage"

**XXX**

Hanzo Hyuuga walked slowly down the sleepy streets of Konoha. He/she sat his/her ass on the bench.

Sasuki Uchiha also walked slowly down the sleepy streets of Konoha. She/he sat her/his ass on the nearest bench.

Hanzo looked at his companion. A pretty girl.

Sasuki looked at her companion. A handsome boy.

"So..."

"Hm.."

"You're cute.."

"So are you.."

And as though this were a crack fan fiction.. They began making out.. Neither aware that this act really isn't gay..

Hinata while kissing this other girl thought, "It's not so bad.. It's awesome.."

Sasuke while kissing this other boy thought, "Naruto is in the past.. hn"

**XXX**

Hinata and Sasuke awoke next to each other in bed.. naked.

Well actually: Hinata had her legs wrapped around Sasuke.. And Sasuke hadn't pulled out. The Uchiha looked down at Hinata. "Did last night count as foreplay?"

The Hyuuga shrugged.

"Anyway.. pull out please."

"Can do."

They just lied next to each other.

Hanabi quickly slides the door thingy open.

"See, dad," Hanabi pointed "Hinata's a lesbian!"

The Main branch leader raised a brow.

Hanabi looked back at the blushing duet in bed. Her lame older sister and.. dreamy Sasuke Uchiha.

"Shit."

Hiashi threw Hanabi down a flight of stairs.

Hinata was bewildered at her father's actions.

Sasuke was silent.

"Hey, at least it's not Naruto!"

Then the trio laughed like in one of those family movies.


End file.
